saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
