I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
