oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
