who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
