This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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