I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
