Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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