take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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