she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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