Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
