Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
God, I missed his penis.
He fucks strippers and doesnโt have a life plan. Of course Iโm going to regret this
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
