He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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