i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
