Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
