Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
