Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
