Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
