I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
