now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
