He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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