Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
