I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
