I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize