There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
