I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
