Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
