your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
