I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
