There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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