I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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