Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
