omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
