around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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