i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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