found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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