this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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