Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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