my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The beer is more important than you right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
