Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
