Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
