i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
