don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
