I cannot find my penis.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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