I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
