maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
