Do you still have your period?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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