So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
