I skipped work to stalk him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
