She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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