Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
