So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to make a zoo with you.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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