Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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