your parents love me but you hate me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
