How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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