he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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