pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
