I'm gonna have a badass scar
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
