Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
