I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
