Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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