is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
