Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize