Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
