Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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