Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
