Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
