Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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