We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
