it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?