this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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