we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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