I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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