billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm too high and old for this...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
