I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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