Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
