Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
