Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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