She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
