dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My life is pants optional.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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