i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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